Selling Your Home - The Business & the Emotional Rollercoaster

Ever sold your home ?

Doing so requires putting a piece of yourself out there for all to see, inspect and judge. Buyers look at the quality, design and execution of the house as a piece of meat. While emotions can and do get involved, buyers often repeat the real estate mantra (location, location, location) to themselves quietly so as not to get over-awed by your personal choice of colours, sofa, or flooring choice.

It's a game of distraction and decoys, as houses can get staged so that they look like an "ideal-home" one might view in a magazine or a TV set. Indeed we have baskets of green apples for show, a vase of lemons and quite specifically arranged towels. Garbage cans are hidden away, the way clocks are absent in casinos - lest we be reminded of the real world around us. These props are supposed to foster in our buyer a feeling of how excellent their own life will be should they live in your house.

The improvements made to get the defined result of a high price drive out a curious response in the owner - rarely does a house retain its 100% clean, staged look in our everyday lives - no laundry to be done, no dishes to be cleaned and an expectation that some movie star will round the next corner. It's enough to make the seller want to stay - to fall in love with their home all over again. Uttered frequently is the "we should have done this before" statement, though clearly there was never time, desire or thought to do so. The work involved in maintaining this staged state is high however. Any real house-work has to be done clandestinely, just in case someone comes by on short notice. So the beauty of what you have is stress-filled - just like anything in life I suppose.

The seller can't get emotional, while hoping the buyer does to put price secondary to desire, and the buyer shouldn't get emotional, and instead needs to see a house's flaws to keep the price low. In many way this parallels any other business transaction and all comes back to whatever rules the day - the head, or the heart.

PS - Wanna buy a house ?

What are your Limits ?

A friend has suggested we climb Kilimanjaro this summer, or more precisely winter as it lay just below the equator. We'd go with our sons and it would be an experience of a lifetime. As this sounds a fantastic challenge and something well worth doing, I've been doing some research on it.

Kilimanjaro is 4th amongst the seven sisters - highest peaks on each continent and is an achievable objective without strong mountaineering skill. It's exceeded in height only by Everest, McKinley and Aconcagua in Asia, North and South America respectively. It's an inactive* volcano (that's what the experts think anyway!) and is 5895 meters tall, or 19,341 feet. Anything over 17,000 feet is generally considered to be extreme altitude, so its still not something that should be approached lightly. It's large enough to create its own weather system, and is one of the world's largest free standing mountains.

Ascents are guided, and porter-assisted. They range in length from five days to ten days, and the longer time depends on route taken and the time spent to acclimatize to the altitude - the longer you take, the better your chances of summitting. That's the goal, as it would be a tremendous shame if you didn't summit, having trained, planned and so on for the months previous.

That's really the place my own head is at now with this adventure in mind...what's my limit, and what's the limit of those I'll climb with. We regularly hike together, and living for a week in a tent is something we do for fun. (At this point as a Canadian, we normally break into Monty Python's "Lumberjack song" but I wasn't sure how to embed the sound clip.) The hardship of being away from civilization isn't concerning, and I've been to Africa more than a few times, so know what to expect there too. The concern keeping me thinking is how we'll deal with the extreme stress when our foggy, oxygen deprived brains tell us to stop, but our will wants to push forwards and upwards. At the heart of it, that is what makes this effort a defining one.

The nature of pushing yourself to the limits of your ability to cope - and the idea that this is considered a desirable thing to pursue...that's interesting on so many levels. There are obviously parallels in other parts of our lives - any moment of significant changes, but when it's attractive just for the sake of it..hmm. One of the things that stuck with me from my youth that I'll randomly attribute (incorrectly I'm sure) to Sir Edmund Hillary was the answer to the question as to why to climb Everest - "Because it's there". As an answer, it's simple, it's elegant, and it's accurate. It's why I want to go to Kilimanjaro - because I want to be there and overcome the obstacle.

The climb as I've become boringly fond of saying begins today.

Highs & Lows

It's been a funny week. Funny-odd actually. Some great developments and some sad ones.

I was able to help a close friend as he moved. While he ultimately didn't take on-board my suggestions for the organization of the dishes (Which I didn't take personally), I know that leaving his new place with a bed set up, boxes unloaded and gone, and an ability to actually see the floor in most of his new home is a huge accomplishment. For anyone that's moved, you know it's a big job - one that easily overwhelms and depends tremendously on good attitude, a strong work ethic and an ability to organize one's thoughts and stuff. It sounds a lot like work. It was terribly rewarding personally to help, and know that I was able to make a difference. That was a real high-point in the week.

At the other end of the spectrum, someone close to me hit a financial wall, and seemed about to be homeless. Very sad as it was the result of their own mismanagement and choices, and it's always pity to see someone get themselves in that situation. It brought out a very paternal response in me (it wasn't one of my kids), as it always seems the right choice for me is to teach someone to survive, rather than carry them through difficult times. It's really tough to let someone go through this though, as part of the process is hitting the wall. We learn best from our mistakes, and if we rescue someone...then the implications of their mistakes never materialize and they don't learn and won't avoid this in future. So, tough emotional times when your brain thinks it knows the answer, but your heart wants to do something else.

And I've been studying..that's happily a positive thing. Learning new things, becoming competent in new skills. It seems a luxury to spend time doing dedicated learning, and I have enjoyed it. Like physical exercise, I've always found that pushing your brain on an ongoing basis is a great way to maintain mental health (and balance, well being etc). I highly encourage it and it can take different forms - an evening reading on your favorite topic, cooking classes, yoga or whatever. Always keep pushing yourself.

Will next week be different. And the same. That's just life.

Blame

I don't believe in it.

It's counter-productive to finding solutions to issues, and too often is pursued as an end in itself, as if somehow being able to blame someone or something makes us feel better.

While I'm not suggesting we do away with the system of justice out there, and let our laws be broken willy-nilly with no regard for accountability, I am saying that the assignment of blame in & of itself solely, is pretty useless.

There's an interesting difference between accountability and blame in my view. Accountability is when we determine (hopefully for ourselves) that we are the cause of some issue or a component part in making something happen. It's a positive thing, as it means acknowledgment and hopefully some sort of preventive or proactive response to avoid a repeated instance. Blame is finger-pointing and often done simply by others. It side-steps our need to admit when we've caused part of an issue or problem, and often goes no further than assigning fault.

These days in the news there's a large oil spill of the US southern coast threatening all kinds of sensitive areas, animals and people. There's a lots of noise to assign blame, and while BP is accountable as it's their infrastructure, the blame here is irrelevant, as it's virtually impossible to determine and similarly pointless to try. Determining blame - even if easy to do - won't help clean up, and it won't make BP act differently. They've admitted their own accountability, and are working to fix the situation. Just like grown-ups.

Next time you're tempted to point a finger and assign blame - think twice. Think what you may have done to be a part of an issue, and how you might do things differently next time. The world will be a better place as a result.

Does Sustained Good Luck Constitute a Fresh Start?

Sometimes each of us is fortunate. I've had 10 days of that lately, and I'm very aware of how lucky that is. Good stuff keeps happening.

I'll offer some insights into why I say this - some long term efforts I've been working on have come to successful fruition - and that always feels good. It's a sense of accomplishment, and that (for me anyhow) is a wonderful thing. On top of that, my work's been recognized in a few different ways by others as being very positive. In a work-work sense, I seem to have made a positive difference for a customer, which is gratifying as that's what I'd aimed for; and on a personal level, the physical effort and level of perfectionism has been recognized in the marketplace, as my "creation" is being offered for more than I'd hoped. Both very gratifying results when others think highly of what you've done. The best perhaps though is the sense of pride I have experienced as a father as one of my kids has achieved her own dream, and been accepted at one of the finest institutions out there. I'm immensely happy for her, and pleased that I was able to help guide her in some small way.

With all this good stuff happening - including a potential new role that I know I'll enjoy and find stimulating, does this mean it's a fresh start ? Can we legitimately embrace the good fortune we experience and see it as a validation of the upside of hard work, focus and a desire to be our absolute best ? Or perhaps is it (only) a streak of good luck, and one that shouldn't be over-appreciated for what it might represent, and instead just enjoyed..?

This is a question of how we view the essence of things. I do believe it's a fundamental question and it goes beyond the simplistic glass half full or half empty level of analysis. Really what I'm asking here is whether or not mid-term rewards are enough to help us to keep moving in the correct albeit difficult-at-times direction, or whether we celebrate whatever 'win' we encounter by taking it easy.

Running is a good proxy for this kind of situation I always find - and I ran yesterday for the first time in a long while - I just felt the need to do it. While it felt good overall, there were a few moments that were harder, and some that were easier. The easier moments helped to motivate me that I was going to be able to accomplish my running goal, while the more difficult times required some discipline to keep moving one foot ahead of the other. The reason that running is such a good proxy for life is that when running, you can stop at any time - there's no penalty as such for doing so other than knowing you've let yourself down a little by giving into the pain, the fatigue and the voice inside your head that says "I WANT TO STOP". (sometimes that little voice isn't so little). By keeping going when it's difficult, your will perseveres and that drives out a sense of accomplishment. (See the connection yet ?) So getting a mid-run boost in the form of a second-wind, or a feeling of strength or even a power song on your iPod - it's huge as it tells you that you can do it, you can overcome the little voice that tells you this is painful.

I suppose in this discussion I've shown my cards a little already, insofar as to what I believe. But I think that knowing this about yourself - and deciding if its the way you want to behave is something tremendously valuable. I try not to espouse a judgment call if someone wants to act one way or another. I know how I want to be, and I'm very comfortable with that. If you elect do otherwise, that is your decision. But I do suggest its a conscious decision for yourself that you make.

So to answer my own question posed at the outset... does my recent trend of good fortune mean a fresh start ? The answer is not really for me - you see this is a marathon, and I've been lucky to get a second wind of late, telling me I can complete it and that I'm on the right track. I absolutely welcome that validation as another day soon, it'll be difficult again, and I'll wonder. I'll be able to look back on this period though to give me the strength to continue and do my best.