Monday, July 22, 2013

We are All Compound People

Some of us have numerous online identities, and some don't.  It can get creepy when an individual pretends to be something they aren't - middle aged men assuming the identities of young people in online communities for example - but I'm not talking about the questionable outliers, I'm thinking more mainstream.  I've heard it recommended more than a few times, that we "professionally" ought to maintain numerous profiles, one for our work, and one to make comments about a few beers with friends or your like/dislike for the favourite local team.  I happen to disagree.

I think we are all compound people - we have a multiple aspects or perspectives in our lives depending on whether we're at work, at home as kid/parent/spouse, or at church or the local biking club.  That's not an exception, that's the normal way we do things.  We exhibit it with our dress (business suit / casual wear / community clothes) and our talk.   When we suppress this idea in the online world, and pretend that we're always professional, or always all about this passion or that one, we are attempting to manipulate people's impressions of us.  Especially if under another online identity, we are making those personal comments or sharing instragrams that are 'unprofessional' in nature. (I don't mean questionable here, I mean not work-related) It is not genuine, and hence begs questions around trust in what's being said - because it's not the whole story.

I support the concept of being one person, and have the people that choose to listen to you understand that there are multiple interests and important aspects in your life.  I put forth that the same is true for each member of your audience, and hence legitimacy is granted.  Your listeners, viewers or audience may not like your entire interests - but that's the beauty of choice.  They can elect to un-listen in the various forms that takes.  For those I listen to, I'm not as interested when they post a picture of their dog, as when they talk about the things that I care about - BUT - and here's the important bit, I know that they aren't hiding anything, and are genuine as otherwise they wouldn't have the guts to say it all.  

There's a side-note here worth saying.  You don't have to post it all, and I'm not suggesting that you do share everything in your life.  If you only want to blog about work topics, or only talk to old friends on FB, that's fine.  Each of us adopts the personality for our circumstances as we require.  Just be straight about it, as we're all compound people.    
 

 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I'm probably wrong

I've been going through an interesting (for me anyway) mental exercise recently.  You see, I disagree with how someone close to me is treating a 3rd person we both know.  I fear this person close to me will get hurt, and let down, and I don't want to see that happen.  I tried to suggest caution and going slow...to no avail.

I'm not particularly hurt my advice (unsolicited) wasn't heeded - that's not my thing.  Rather I was concerned that we both had seen evidence that trust was abused in the past, and I didn't see that this person close to me had 'learned' from it, as I had.

So I've stewed for a few days.  Not fumed, or was angry in any way, just stewed.  You see this person close to me is probably the wisest person I know.  So the question in my head wasn't.."Why don't they see what I see?"...rather it was.. "What do they see that I don't ?"

I still feel the same way about the situation, and left to my own instincts, I probably wouldn't have done anything that took me off-course from acting in a manner that demonstrated that.  But, I'm putting aside what I think, and acting instead on what they think, and what they are doing.  You see I trust this person close to me, and while I can't get my head around their rationale, I know that's ok - one day I may be able to, and in the meantime, it's better to follow the judgement of someone that you know always makes good decisions.

I don't see it yet -  that I'm probably wrong, and they are right- but one day I hope to.