I Died Today

I played an interesting game in my own head as I drive around today. I wondered a little about if I died and asked the inevitable 'what happens next?' questions.  Now, I'm not prone to the metaphysical, so I'll side-step that.  However I am one to look ahead, and try to use 20/20 hindsight to make proactive choices. So here goes, Q&A with a dead guy.

Q: What happens immediately afterwards?
A:  After a little shock, and spreading the news (we do this quietly, but urgently, don't we?) I suppose there's a funeral.  At least that's what happens when other people that I know of have died. At the funeral, family and some friends gather and go through a ceremony none of us would actually want, but seems prescribed by society.  Hopefully there's some sadness (vs say, rejoicing) at my passing, but I'm not holding my breath ('cause I'd be dead).

Q: How are you remembered ?
A: Ah, the big question. This is the heart of the matter. I'd hope I was remembered fondly by my family and friends.  At work, I'm not sure the news would generate much more than surprise..."He was so young and seemed healthy".. and a little remorse .."Darn, who is gonna take on his workload?" .  In the community I live in, I'd imagine..."Who died, where did he live ?"  Acquaintances would compare my own passing to their lives, and have a brief moment of introspection about the shortness of life. Strangers may warn against the dangers of juggling flaming chainsaws while texting, or however I will have died.  It'll all pass though, in days, weeks and years their lives all go on.  I won't be forgotten as such, but I won't be present, and that carries it's own penalties.

Q: Is that enough ?
A:  Here, I will verge into deeper thought for a few moments, and wonder aloud in my head if that result is enough, if it validates the life I've spent.  I'm done sharing at this point, but not talking, for the purpose of the exercise was to come to this exact thought, by myself, for myself.   The value of course in doing this proactively is that I have a chance to change my answers still, by some small measure.

It's an interesting day, the one where you walk through your own mortality and look back.  It's never too late, until it is.

I'm back

I've been away from you for a while now. I was empty of ideas and enthusiasm.

Like an echo I've returned, having learned a little more about myself.  I've written previously about the power of music in my life. The almost barometric effect it has as a mechanism to feel positive.  I’d add to that rather short list of ‘me’, and place on it the ability to think on my feet well.  When I am pushed to do that, I invariably enjoy it.  Demand performances can seem daunting, but I’m unusually revived from the effort and it feels like exercising a long relaxed muscle. I’m guess I'm stronger than I think.

On top of that, there’s been good news in multiple directions – my family have each seen their own brilliances acknowledged, which drives a tremendously proud response. I've been patted on the back at work, and seen happy engaged clients that want more help. Then, as icing, my reward will arrive a little sooner than hoped. Karma indeed.

So, I’m back.  I hope you are too.