Christmas Thoughts

I live quite close to a nondescript building with an innocuous name that is a shelter for North American priests that are in rehabilitation from various infractions.  I think you know what I mean by 'infractions'.  They aren't confined, that would be a jail, but rather my understanding (and I may well be wrong here), is that it's a rehabilitation centre, a place where other professionals work with them to help them back to their chosen path.  It's top of mind to me as I quite frequently see them walking the area, to get air, clear their heads no doubt and consider themselves.  They don't walk as priests, in fact they look homeless, which in a sense they are.

Over the weeks, I come to recognize some of them as I pass by in my car, on the area paths.  As I also like to walk in the woods (and tend to do that alone, sans dog as I enjoy nature), I often think I might be considered a way-ward priest by the neighbours and passers-by.  But I don't think the area I live in generally acknowledges this centre, or that purpose or their local presence as it's a secret like so much of Catholicism.  So perhaps not.

There's a popular struggle between those with faith at this time of the year, the 'true meaning of Christmas' and the commercialism that's overtaken everything as we're primarily viewed in society as consumers, not individuals.  Democracy isn't at risk from socialism or communism, it's being insidiously eroded by capitalism, and we've yet to acknowledge that.  Seeing these older men walk around, I wonder what their view of Christmas is.  Normally they'd be front-line soldiers for the spiritual side of the argument, but that commitment has got to have taken a kick-in-the-teeth in light of their personal circumstances.   While I have very little personal compassion for them in light of their actions and the trusts they betrayed, I do pity them right now.  Their path back to normalcy must seem unattainable - once a traitor, always a traitor to your country, your ideals or your faith.

Christmas is a hard time of year for many.

Part#2 - An Enroute Direction Change

I’m gonna tack a little here folks. I was going to offer a same old, same old travelogue of what my week was like. Maybe pop a few pics in too. You know, normal stuff. In fact I had every intention of doing that while away, posting from various exotic spots. But I began to hesitate as I asked myself the question aloud, who is that for?

The answer made me uncomfortable about myself. And so I didn’t follow convention and instead thought about my motivation and why I share this.

So here’s a more honest story of the past week. I've no idea if you’ll like it (as much) but it’s my story, so read on - or don't.

I started planning this idea of blowing some long accumulated frequent flier miles on something “interesting” a while back. In concert with that, I’ve been reading a couple travel FQTV points guru-guys blogs for a while, so I developed an awareness of some unique travel situations. In truth, I was seduced (as we can all be) by the idea of super-luxury first class experiences out there, that are accessible if “you know where they are”. So I looked at travel as a means to an end, not to get somewhere, which in itself made me a little unique in the sense that others around me were going place to place to place and I was there for the experience.

There's something that I feel a little vulnerable admitting here about myself, but that I think might be cathartic.  When one travels around in business/first class on flights, fancy airline lounges and suites in 5* hotels - and generally enjoys the finer things in life that money can buy - it's easy to persuade yourself that you're doing well.  People wait on you hand and foot, and it's a little vacation from the reality and varying degrees of the shit in your life.  I engaged this facade with about $240 in airfare taxes and some FQTV miles as I wanted that vacation from reality. The escape itself justified the planning and the motivating factor for me - the fact I'd travel around the globe was a nice bonus.

I had a deeper motivation. My own business is struggling for some traction and while there are good things coming up work-wise, I had too much time on my hands, and was anxious to change my own scenery. The holiday week in the US meant I knew nothing would happen work-wise, so a superficial desire met an ideal opportunity and hence the trip was born.   Many people trick themselves that 'stuff' can replace real connections, but I'm both saddened and a tad ashamed that I can also do that with experiences too.  I was teased as a kid that I acted as "Richie Rich" (look it up), and it's a badge of shame I wear that it's easy for me to get lost in the bullshit that money offers. I despise the label.

So I decided to circle the world, and spent some time in Hong Kong, Doha and Muscat. I had some specific airline experiences I wanted to try on the ground and in the air and managed to arrange those. The trip was all done in great comfort and was effectively nothing $ wise in airfare. Not bad as an escape and in hindsight the best parts weren't the champagne or  luxury - it was the exploring, a good book I read and the couple interesting people I met.

I knew I needed to get out, but when I left, when I wrote chapter #1, I didn’t acknowledge what I was doing.  I'd apologize for that, except this is written mostly for me, so my regret is that I wasn't straight up from the start.  So there's no pics, no travelogue as I/we don't deserve these.  I've travelled enough honestly, in the dirt, and with real experiences to know this past week wasn't real.

Part#1 - Time on Our Hands

Ever have to take a forced vacation ?  Kind of a use-it or lose-it proposition.  Don't get me wrong, the idea of time away from work without concerns isn't like being sentenced to a Bataan March or forced to do anything against your will (unless that's your thing).  It's wonderful.

If you're a regular reader to this stream of consciousness I refer to as my blog (Hi Mom), you'll know I've been fortunate in the past to do some crazy, offbeat things.  The more off-beat the better in some ways.  Well, I found myself with a week, a truckload of built up frequent traveller points and a desire to see some stuff and just... move.

So that's the plan next week, a pointless, carbon-obnoxious exploration of our little blue marble. 21,000+ miles and a couple 15 hour+ flights, just because.  There are some places I want to see, some books I want to read, and it's my version of 'chill'.

I'll offer some excerpts during the week (I think).  As Horace Greeley said in reference to Manifest Destiny, "Go West Young Man".  So I will.

Who Owns the Truth ?

There is a battle going on, that at times seems quite obvious and present to many of us, and at other times is silent, covertly conducted and a little insidious.  It's the battle for the truth.

I recently saw an article in Canada's national newspaper The Globe and Mail about journalists who had been killed this year.  This was a piece no doubt prompted by the murder of Jamal Khashoggi in Turkey.  It's an interesting read and here if you want to look it over - but please come back.  It highlights the places where journalists are seemingly most at risk such as war-torn countries, and where there is strife and discord too. For example, according to this article there have been four journalists killed in each of the US and Mexico while only one in Saudi Arabia.  Makes you scratch your chin a little.

In telling the stories of those newsmen and women, it skirts around the bigger issue of who owns truth in our society.  Truth in this case being objective, clear facts versus opinions and hypothesis.  There is clearly a struggle going on in may countries about 'fake news', the kind of things that mean silly conspiracies rolled out to gullible Facebook groups, but also the increasingly large amount of
spin pushed out by politicians to flatter their own narratives - and called spin in outright manners in papers, radio, TV and social media.  Anyone that disagrees with "my version" of the truth, is doing fake news therefore, and if I have a microphone in my face, I'll scream that from the towers I control.  That is troubling obviously, and so far I don't think I've said anything new or particularly enlightening.

On the face of it, journalists would prefer to think that they own the truth, and it's their role in the fifth estate to shine a light into the dark corners of the political or business establishment.  That is the legacy model from the 1950's-1980's with the Walter Conkite's and Bob Woodward's of the world leading the charge.  But these days, there is little to distinguish a Lou Dobbs on FoxTV in the US from a pulitzer prize winning print journalist from the New York Times, The Times in the UK or China Daily - all are journalists, objectively.  What separates them is the imposition of their biases, opinions and subject matter and perspective selections in the issues they cover.  Now, at times it's obvious as in the case of the US's Fox Network, but it's just as obvious for the Guardian in England or the aforementioned China Daily.  What doesn't tend to happen is the admission of these biases clearly.  So my review of the 'News' as I hope to get the truth is impacted significantly and imperceptibly and I am exposed to a manipulated media message that wants me to stay tuned for commercial or political reasons.  So where's the truth?

Some news organizations such as BBC or Canada's CBC would have you think that they are apolitical, but minimally they reflect their societies norms and opinions as wealthy (white predominately) people from the Western world using their own moral compass to view the balance of the planet.   My point here is that there is not a news organization that is truly objective out there, and hence, they can't own the truth as everyone tries to spin it to speak to their own audiences, and keep attracting them.

So where does that leave us, those that want to know an objective, clear set of facts so we can develop informed opinions and act ?  I think it leaves us on our own, with a monumental task of sifting through a deluge of daily dross to figure things out.  The scope of that task is huge, and so it's little wonder my neighbour, friends and possibly my own family have elected to just get carried away on someone else's commentary that seems to roughly align to their own opinions.  The truth is out there, it's just becoming really, really difficult to see and hear, and many have given up that struggle.

Who owns the truth ?  I do, you do, we each do.

Picking Sides

Years back, I learned a valuable lesson - that when it comes to deep emotional trauma,  close friends expect you to pick a side - yours or those they oppose.   I say "expect", when it's probably actually closer to "require".  You can try to be adult, objective and still supportive, but that won't cut it in their eyes, rather they have a deeply-scarred need for support, and you have to be clearly on their team.  Not doing that  - trying to remain helpfully supportive but not jumping into their well of black and white "me vs them" thinking causes your friends to question your allegiance.

This seemed at the time counter-intuitive and confused me. And over time it caused the friendship to suffer a mortal blow.  So regardless of whether I understand it or not, I see what happened and I'll admit I've never gone through the depth of their trauma, so give them the benefit of the doubt here.  It's hard for any of us to rationalize something that we've never experienced.

I was thinking of this situation today and comparing it to the divide that's growing ever more apparent in the US.   People that have decided to make their opinions heard - in the news, social media and elsewhere are heated and extremely passionate.  You have be "with them", or you're "against them" it seems.  Perhaps more than any other impact, the move away from centrist positions towards idealogical extremes and polarized positions has caused the end of civil dialogue.  It's hard to have an open mind when you're being shouted down.

Which brings me back to my friend.  He suffered a deep emotional trauma that caused him to (temporarily) react in the way that he did.  Perhaps, that's what we're seeing here too. A society that as a whole are all going through a deep trauma, and the nature and depth of this change is causing them to behave differently than in the past.  Time to heal is needed it seems, but that requires that first everyone stops actively trying to hurt one another.  I'm not sure that seems likely in the short term.

Change

Something that happens this frequently, shouldn't be allowed to constantly catch us (me?) off guard.

Here's some background before I pontificate a tad and please forgive me  - it's been a while since I've captured my thoughts here and I have a few things to say.  First off, I should know about change - I've historically viewed myself as a bit of a visionary as it relates to this.  That label describes someone that embraces change in its' varied forms, but isn't the first to embrace a new thing or idea (or line up for a new toy). Early on these visionaries see the advantage of a change and jump in then.  The visual here originally from Geoffrey A Moore (and adopted from a technology life cycle idea) uses a few labels including visionary to describe one's comfort level with change to give some context.  For what it's worth, these labels are neither good or bad, and a high level of comfort with change isn't better or worse than a low level.  It's similar to one's appreciation of cabbage.  Some like it, some don't.  Those that seek out change don't always see eye to eye with those that don't, but that's true of so much in our society, that it's not noteworthy in this sense.

But let's get back to the story at hand.  I made some changes in my own life recently, and while approaching these with eyes wide open, the changes still caught me off guard and I had a moderate level of discomfort with them.  Not the decisions and directions themselves, but rather the act of the changes themselves - what I do, where I live and so forth.

The take away from this for me is that there are some things going on - perhaps my own adaptability to change is changing - why couldn't it after-all.  It may also be that while I intellectually went forward, I wasn't able to emotionally track to that - you know what I mean  - the kind of agreement that we make with ourselves that is half-hearted.  I'm not exactly sure in my case, except that I was surprised by my own reaction, and I felt that was worth sharing.  I'm becoming accustomed to the new situations - time mellows most discomforts - and am anxious not to forget this little life lesson.  But I may as that in the end is very nature of change.

The Value of Not Knowing

I'm taking a small vacation from my normal work, and it's been humbling.  I'm working with my hands (with guidance thankfully) and am experiencing a daily dose of "this is how you do it..". 

Being humbled is a good thing I've decided, as it resets some of the ego we let quietly build up over time until we acknowledge ourselves as an expert in an area and no longer listen to others opinions and thoughts.  It's easy to poke holes and argue against what others say only, as we know better. (for reference, see: Internet).  It's a different mindset however when the approach we take to any situation is one of learning - of any kind really. 

In my normal job, I often quote Seth Goden's little gem - "Learning cannot be forced, it must be chosen" to help other's see what they are in for.  It's ironic that I had to back into that one myself to see its truth clearly.

Polar Bear Express

When I was young, we did car trips.  My mother would take my sister and I somewhere for a few days.  I recall the very large station wagon had with wood paneling in the side.  It was large enough to accommodate the single bed mattress from my bed - which is where I laid down for much of the road. No fights over the front seat for me, I wanted my own berth.  I recall reading books - Peter Benchley’s Jaws sticks out, perhaps for the shark, or the sex scene, it was an adult book and my first.  I recall lounging mostly, relaxed as Canada rolled by my windows.  We went to Quebec, the US and Nova Scotia.  But the one I recall most fondly was Moosonee.  

To say we drove to Moosonee would be inaccurate as there were no roads to it then and indeed there may be no roads to it now.  We went to Cochrane and then took the train. It was Ontario Northland’s “Polar Bear Express”.   What a lovely evocative piece of marketing that is.  I can’t say I ever saw a polar bear on the 4-5 hour one way train journey that goes due north, but it did roll through the Canadain Shield wilderness and anchored itself into my heart. We went to the southern tip of the Arctic, James Bay.  That one trip had me glued to my window seat - after I’d explored the train of course.  

Something still resonates about hundreds and hundreds of miles/kilometers (does it matter at this scale?) of lakes, trees, and this vast untouched area of nature.  Now, when my life allows me to fly, I still marvel at the size, the scope of the place.  It stretches and stretches to the horizon and focuses down to each individual fallen log, infested with bugs, moss and fungus, teeming with life.  Hundreds, thousands and probably millions of them. 

In hindsight, I saw all this when I was 9 years old, from the train.  I still recall each bend in the train tracks, peering around each approaching corner for what lay ahead.   I do remember Moosonee itself a little too - a strong and unwelcome taste of what it’s like to like on that frontier with the few hundred inhabitants that must see the daily train as the needed tourist revenues and only escape route.  

I don’t recall the drive back.  My heart stayed that day on the Polar Bear Express and the uncharted territory of northern Canada.  I knew then I wanted the wilderness to play a role in my life. I wanted to be be there, lost as Marlow was, exploring my own path and finding my own way out.  

What Will it Take?

In the late 1930's the direction of the government in Germany was becoming clear with certain groups in society persecuted more and more.  It was certainly support by some, but also distasteful to many. Yet few spoke up for fear of reprisals and retribution from those in power.  It doubtless haunted many otherwise fine people that they didn't say anything, defend their neighbour or do something of consequence against a growing sense of wrong that they saw in their society.  We know what happened next, and its too bad that the story of the war overshadows the history of how they got there too often.  We are not focussed as we should be on the important part  - where we don't want history to repeat itself.

These days we are faced with a small subset of those that claim to represent us all, and many in society disagree strongly with the statements, laws being enacted, and general stance on what is acceptable.  While we are seeing moves in society such as #Metoo that seem to address criminal, disgusting behaviours, it also seems to bounce off of those that need to be dealt with most.   This has become a situation where the normal rules of our culture don't seem to apply and despite the protestations of frustration, anger and denial appearing in social and popular media, nothing is really being done.

We're seeing the ugliest side of us all, claiming to be representative and that perhaps more than anything else, is the most trying aspect of what is going on in our world.  Maybe there is a grain of truth and maybe, just maybe we are all quietly a little racist, a little bigoted,  or selfish, and self-involved greedy bastards - to a very small degree. And having the qualities elected and on the main stage allows us the smugness and chance to disavow the person, but otherwise do nothing of consequence as a small part of us secretly shares those values. Otherwise really - what's the excuse for inaction from the other elected officials, and the pawns that are part of the governance in society (police, judges, local governments, bureaucrats) changing the rules how we look upon one another.  And the inaction from people who aren't marching, who aren't boycotting, and who benefit because 'well, the economy is doing rather nicely these days'.

The question that keep rolling in my mind as the situation keeps going is - what will it take for someone to act and create risk for themselves for the greater good.  Will we all just be 'good quiet Germans' as we're lead down this path? 

What will it take for you to act?  Because where we are today isn't an end state, it's transitionary to a revised culture where the values we see espoused by those in power, become the values of the country.