Fear

What are you afraid of ?

Spiders, needles, heights, being unemployed, being single, being married or appearing foolish or perhaps all of the above..

I put forth that fear is good for us. It warns us away from various forms of stupidity, and acts as an intellectual brake when we might do something that's ill-conceived.

Too much fear though - when living in fear...that's not good. That's hiding and the trick as always is to know the difference. I'd also put forth engaging our fear a little isn't a bad thing either as we grow as people in the process.

Try it, challenge your own fears within limits and you will feel very alive.

It's the Single Best Thing I've ever Done

I came out with this statement, quite without thinking yesterday. I wasn't even really something that needed to be pondered for me, seemed like something I just knew. I've been thinking about that automatic response since saying it, and have analyzed 'how I really think about it'...but my conclusion remains the same.

If I step aside from my emotional bias for a moment, it's an interesting thing to have said out of the blue. Even more interesting is the fact I wouldn't have consciously acknowledged this, had I not been asked the question. It started me wondering what else I feel this way about, and what that says about where we hold those things most dear to us.

Clearly you can see the lead up to the question I'd pose to you - but if you don't mind for a moment, this isn't about you, it's about me.

When asked the question that prompted this response, a number of options did pop through my head - my jobs, relationships, accomplishments and the usual stuff. I did a micro-second validation of the answer that I instinctively knew to be right, but it really did only take the time it takes to blink. And while I answered the question with the answer above, I did hear another's perspective of the conversation repeated back afterward, and the 'add-on' joke that I also offered got the spotlight - not my statement above, which raised more interesting thoughts about how some of the most important things we say aren't heard.

I believe it's important though that I specifically understand the ramifications of what I said, as it does represent something hugely intimate and personal to me. Other people we all have to admit to ourselves, tend not to care so much about some of the things we hold dear. (That's not a criticism, just a fact of life)

So, here I was, sitting in the empty room that is my brain, and wondering about all this, and adding to it by considering how important it was that this thought is formalized and communicated. I've clearly decided (via the act of publishing into the ether) that it is important. And if you'll forgive some self-indulgence, I'm writing this for me today, not you. You see I want to mark this spot, and celebrate what I felt as I rather like the whole idea and suffer as we all do from some pride-sin. (you can get the man out of the church, but it's harder to get the church out of the man).

The question I was asked for those of you who've indulged me and read this far..?

What did I think of being a Dad, posed by my daughter.

Purging

When we've eaten something bad, we purge. It isn't pretty, but it's the best choice to make in that situation. It can save our lives.

When we've had too much to drink, we purge then too. This self inflicted purge often means we're much better in the short-term after our alcohol-induced judgment gives way to the rising sun of a new day.

Sometimes we need to emotionally purge as well. Get rid of those things, relationships, roles and expectations others thrust upon us (or we do to ourselves) when we know ultimately they aren't good for us. This is the most difficult type of purge, as it requires a step into the unknown - being single again, finding a new job, or re-defining yourself in a way others can newly appreciate.

For this latter type of purge, you need courage, and a willingness to fail. This may sound scary, but we all learn from our mistakes, and insulating ourselves from mistakes creates a false sense of comfort and security. Embracing the risk is at the heart of what makes life worth living and helps us grow.

I'm on the verge of a purge (wait until that's a famous movie line, and come back here to recall you read it here first). It's frightening and exciting, adventurous and unclear and is what I know I need.

It's not for everyone, but I encourage to look at where you might purge. Look to where you feel staleness and bitterness have crept into your life and make your own choice. Because that's the key difference between food poisoning and something emotional in your life that requires a purge...choice. Don't shy away from it as the end result can be the same.

Self Valuation

Each of us values ourselves - how we look at ourselves and judge how we're doing day to day - differently.

For some it's our contribution to others, sometimes it's our job (or even more specifically our salary or title), sometimes it's the car we drive, or house we live in. These days no doubt, someone looks at the number of Facebook friends, or Twitter followers and that determines their view of their own self-worth. It can be how we perform our role - mother, father, manager, doctor - and how many accolades we receive from others. Perhaps it's our time-served, or our commitment to another person or ideal. It can be our moral standards, our adherence to ideals we think are important or quite blandly, how much money or stuff we have.

It's likely a combination of a few of these and other things..

Who cares..?

Well, you do. And that's pretty important. If "I" as an individual haven't ever thought through how I value myself, then I'm likely on a bit of a roller-coaster in this area, and that can't be easy or fun.

My suggestion to you - each of 'you' - is that you take a moment and have an honest quiet think about this. Come to grips with your answer and understand there isn't a right or wrong answer here. Decide if you like the answer you come up with, and then with that understanding, protect that area a little. Invest in actions that will drive out success for it. Feed and nurture it and don't let yourself feel victimized by circumstance or others and see your own image of yourself reduced in value.

At the end of the day, you are your own primary investment. Don't undersell yourself.

On the Road

It's been a bit of a blur lately. Multiple hotels in a week, new airlines and strange cities.

Been there done that...or exciting new opportunities to stretch our minds, see new sights and have new experiences...? We each get to decide I imagine, for while we may not "control" our reactions, we are responsible for them.

Sometime we forget that, and elect to be victimized by our situations. Force Majuere aside, (my first reference for lawyers) we should acknowledge that we own our reactions, and while we might not be able to manage that, that doesn't negate our responsibility of ownership.

For what it's worth, I marveled at the views, and elected to enjoy the new brothers and sisters I met. It was a wondrous week.

Crazy Animals

There's a polar bear in a zoo near me and it's nuts. You can tell because it does the same lap, the same path over and over in it's enclosure. It even wags it's head the same way on every circuit. This is a tremendous shame and effectively removes the sense of wonder and awe you ought to feel when seeing one of nature's greatest creations in the flesh. Polar bears shouldn't make you feel pity.

The bear in question is suffering from a lack of stimulation in it's environment and this affliction is not restricted sadly to those in literal cages.

It can strike any of us. I know working in a home office I've certainly had my fair share of stir crazy over the years.

I think this is understandable though and in a sense we are in better shape than our friend the bear, for we understand the condition and can hopefully preclude it's onset.

Our human spirit requires some degree of dynamic. Look at our history. When we are left to our own devices in a static situation what do we do ? We kill and try to dominate one another. We display territoriality and indulge in all kinds of political activities, positive and harmful. As a species we are about growing - our knowledge, our experience and contribution.

Now let's get a little intimate.

The key to avoid going truly around the bend is to understand ourselves well enough to see when we start to exhibit signs of needing some new stimulation. Note I said need, not want. I might like some changes well before I actually need them to be in place. That's usually a sign of good judgment more so than a critical path item. When I need change I may be well down the path of already being deep in a rut, and have no vision as to how to get out of it. Then I need it. We can provide help to those around us that we see others in those situations - recommending a proverbial and literal change of scenery. But it's ourselves we ought to be aware of to avoid the outcome in the first place.

Ask yourself, "What am I bringing into my environment to stimulate a new way of looking at things, or to change my behavior?", "What have I approached differently (on purpose) to help me see new perspectives?" or even "Can I do the same task in a different way, and end up with different results - and what's the implication of that ?".

Each of us owns our own sense of sanity, and being smarter than the average bear we ought to be able to help ourselves to avoid being in a cage- even one of our own design.

Your Business Tongue

We all grow up (in a working sense) in one industry or another. There is some job somewhere in our impressionable young lives that imprints upon us, and becomes 'what we know'. It's not the first job - cutting grass, babysitting, camp counselor stuff, but rather where we first had to work in a real commercial environment. Where we are first treated as a fellow adult, and given the benefit of the doubt for having some common sense, professionalism and capabilities that are valuable. (clearly, that doesn't happen to everyone, and you know who you are) When we mature in a work sense it has the effect of stamping us - defining our psyche and helping us establish who we are in a workplace vision of ourselves. All well and good if this idea I'm writing about was personal psychology, but I think there's more to it than that.

This first (proper) job imprints upon us it's business model, major players and customer needs - it evolves to become "our industry". By default when we go looking for the next place to work to pursue career advancement or take account of some physical move, we remain in 'our industry' as that's where our skills and contacts reside. Later in life - days or years - we find ourselves doing other things outside of our industry, and realize that there's a whole new set of variables, customer desires and competitor pressures. There's probably a new business model that needs to be learned, and hopefully, there's some advantages that you can bring from your previous experience to this new role - allowing some form of innovation in a great or small sense from what you knew and applied in that other context. You may love the new environment, but whether it fits or not, you will miss the original industry - it's your business tongue - the one you can easily speak, move within and understand the dynamics of almost intrinsically. Sometime we go back, and sometimes we elect to continue to leverage what we learned before, and simply value the experience.

That last bit - experience - is the key I think. After-all, none of us is anymore than the sum of our experiences and its what makes us individuals and interestingly unique. My own character traits, exposed over my experience is what has defined who I am - what each of us are. So look at your experience and specifically your business tongue and ask yourself - What can you bring to your current situation from what you grew up as a worker knowing ? Your personal uniqueness makes this a value that you are probably pretty singularly able to offer.