It's Been Almost A Year

So, how have you been ?   I've been quiet lately, the whole last year actually.

Why you ask ? Good question.

At first I was aggravated at a lack of movement on jobs, then I was frustrated by the same. Then, weirdly it was the holidays, when we were meant to be thankful and relax (fairly unsuccessfully on both fronts I'll admit).  After that I decided to make a change in roles, and it took some time to make it real.  A few months into a new job, here I am again, expecting you all to be waiting with "baited breath" (odd phrase, isn't it?) and hanging on my every word.

So, lots of explanation, but in truth, I didn't feel like sharing much, as I didn't feel very good about myself, what I was doing, or much in general.  Still not sure I do, but a hard slap to my own face has straightened me up.

So what's up...

I moved aggressively away from almost all social media.  Politics and black and white stark opinions  are too pervasive in the way people react to the acts, and silliness that the far left and far right do.  It's all we see, and I think it's social cancer as this is not about 'civics' any longer.   So I stepped back - I killed my own FB and dropped Twitter (since have re-engaged), and really only kept up with a few close people via pics and texting.  I also stepped back from my own business and became at FTE, which I have mixed feelings about as well.

But this will all come out in the wash in the coming weeks and months.

For now, thanks for reading again, and I hope you've been well.

S.

Balance & Bias

I’ve long thought that this balance thing is an ephemeral quality, something to be strived for but never achieved. The unicorn of personal feelings. Looking back with the wisdom that only age provides, I’m not so sure now.

Balance has (in my view) a particular structure, a few defining variables that I’d frankly never questioned but that are worthy of being said aloud as they prejudice and impact the end result.

As a complete aside I’m temporarily fascinated with the idea of unacknowledged bias as I fear it is an insidious driver of much of our current world state. We move toward that which we agree with, and will (at times vehemently) disagree with those that have a different perspective, even going so far as to not listen to the potential validity of their arguments. For example, what if Trump and Trump-ism is right ? - I’m not suggesting he is, but I will say that the vast majority of us outside the US have made up our minds that he is generally wrong, and have stopped listening to him and his pundits, other than to poke holes in him in whatever way we can. As an example, I wouldn’t wear his haircut personally, but if a person elects to have puffy blond hair, that is neither something to be ridiculed or cause for them to be ignored. Yet the web at large seemed inordinately preoccupied with the man's hair, as if its a reflection of his character in some way. It’s a worry. Our unacknowledged bias against him means we no longer listen or consider his views and point to frivolous elements of his persona to rationalize our own narrow mindedness.

Back to the point though. Balance has a few components to its equation, to make it true or untrue - in balance or imbalance just to mess with those new to the English language. We superficially think of the leaning towards one thing or another (classically expressed as work or play), but both of these variables exist within time. What if time was measured over years or a lifetime versus days or months ?

The question I invite you to consider (as I have lately) is whether balance as a concept is achievable over a longer term than we might normally consider. Pointedly, if balance in ones life is almost impossible to attain day to day, or even over a few months, does that view of it change when looking across a lifetime. I think it does, and I’ll admit it’s my own short term thinking bias that had me anchored in the concept that balance was an unachievable goal. 

Here’s an interesting test for each of us to extend this analysis. Say to yourself “if I’m wrong about “X”, then how could I be wrong?”  In this exercise, X is something you’d made your mind up about. Fun exercise, and some eye-opening results I'd think.

Christmas Thoughts

I live quite close to a nondescript building with an innocuous name that is a shelter for North American priests that are in rehabilitation from various infractions.  I think you know what I mean by 'infractions'.  They aren't confined, that would be a jail, but rather my understanding (and I may well be wrong here), is that it's a rehabilitation centre, a place where other professionals work with them to help them back to their chosen path.  It's top of mind to me as I quite frequently see them walking the area, to get air, clear their heads no doubt and consider themselves.  They don't walk as priests, in fact they look homeless, which in a sense they are.

Over the weeks, I come to recognize some of them as I pass by in my car, on the area paths.  As I also like to walk in the woods (and tend to do that alone, sans dog as I enjoy nature), I often think I might be considered a way-ward priest by the neighbours and passers-by.  But I don't think the area I live in generally acknowledges this centre, or that purpose or their local presence as it's a secret like so much of Catholicism.  So perhaps not.

There's a popular struggle between those with faith at this time of the year, the 'true meaning of Christmas' and the commercialism that's overtaken everything as we're primarily viewed in society as consumers, not individuals.  Democracy isn't at risk from socialism or communism, it's being insidiously eroded by capitalism, and we've yet to acknowledge that.  Seeing these older men walk around, I wonder what their view of Christmas is.  Normally they'd be front-line soldiers for the spiritual side of the argument, but that commitment has got to have taken a kick-in-the-teeth in light of their personal circumstances.   While I have very little personal compassion for them in light of their actions and the trusts they betrayed, I do pity them right now.  Their path back to normalcy must seem unattainable - once a traitor, always a traitor to your country, your ideals or your faith.

Christmas is a hard time of year for many.

Part#2 - An Enroute Direction Change

I’m gonna tack a little here folks. I was going to offer a same old, same old travelogue of what my week was like. Maybe pop a few pics in too. You know, normal stuff. In fact I had every intention of doing that while away, posting from various exotic spots. But I began to hesitate as I asked myself the question aloud, who is that for?

The answer made me uncomfortable about myself. And so I didn’t follow convention and instead thought about my motivation and why I share this.

So here’s a more honest story of the past week. I've no idea if you’ll like it (as much) but it’s my story, so read on - or don't.

I started planning this idea of blowing some long accumulated frequent flier miles on something “interesting” a while back. In concert with that, I’ve been reading a couple travel FQTV points guru-guys blogs for a while, so I developed an awareness of some unique travel situations. In truth, I was seduced (as we can all be) by the idea of super-luxury first class experiences out there, that are accessible if “you know where they are”. So I looked at travel as a means to an end, not to get somewhere, which in itself made me a little unique in the sense that others around me were going place to place to place and I was there for the experience.

There's something that I feel a little vulnerable admitting here about myself, but that I think might be cathartic.  When one travels around in business/first class on flights, fancy airline lounges and suites in 5* hotels - and generally enjoys the finer things in life that money can buy - it's easy to persuade yourself that you're doing well.  People wait on you hand and foot, and it's a little vacation from the reality and varying degrees of the shit in your life.  I engaged this facade with about $240 in airfare taxes and some FQTV miles as I wanted that vacation from reality. The escape itself justified the planning and the motivating factor for me - the fact I'd travel around the globe was a nice bonus.

I had a deeper motivation. My own business is struggling for some traction and while there are good things coming up work-wise, I had too much time on my hands, and was anxious to change my own scenery. The holiday week in the US meant I knew nothing would happen work-wise, so a superficial desire met an ideal opportunity and hence the trip was born.   Many people trick themselves that 'stuff' can replace real connections, but I'm both saddened and a tad ashamed that I can also do that with experiences too.  I was teased as a kid that I acted as "Richie Rich" (look it up), and it's a badge of shame I wear that it's easy for me to get lost in the bullshit that money offers. I despise the label.

So I decided to circle the world, and spent some time in Hong Kong, Doha and Muscat. I had some specific airline experiences I wanted to try on the ground and in the air and managed to arrange those. The trip was all done in great comfort and was effectively nothing $ wise in airfare. Not bad as an escape and in hindsight the best parts weren't the champagne or  luxury - it was the exploring, a good book I read and the couple interesting people I met.

I knew I needed to get out, but when I left, when I wrote chapter #1, I didn’t acknowledge what I was doing.  I'd apologize for that, except this is written mostly for me, so my regret is that I wasn't straight up from the start.  So there's no pics, no travelogue as I/we don't deserve these.  I've travelled enough honestly, in the dirt, and with real experiences to know this past week wasn't real.

Part#1 - Time on Our Hands

Ever have to take a forced vacation ?  Kind of a use-it or lose-it proposition.  Don't get me wrong, the idea of time away from work without concerns isn't like being sentenced to a Bataan March or forced to do anything against your will (unless that's your thing).  It's wonderful.

If you're a regular reader to this stream of consciousness I refer to as my blog (Hi Mom), you'll know I've been fortunate in the past to do some crazy, offbeat things.  The more off-beat the better in some ways.  Well, I found myself with a week, a truckload of built up frequent traveller points and a desire to see some stuff and just... move.

So that's the plan next week, a pointless, carbon-obnoxious exploration of our little blue marble. 21,000+ miles and a couple 15 hour+ flights, just because.  There are some places I want to see, some books I want to read, and it's my version of 'chill'.

I'll offer some excerpts during the week (I think).  As Horace Greeley said in reference to Manifest Destiny, "Go West Young Man".  So I will.

Who Owns the Truth ?

There is a battle going on, that at times seems quite obvious and present to many of us, and at other times is silent, covertly conducted and a little insidious.  It's the battle for the truth.

I recently saw an article in Canada's national newspaper The Globe and Mail about journalists who had been killed this year.  This was a piece no doubt prompted by the murder of Jamal Khashoggi in Turkey.  It's an interesting read and here if you want to look it over - but please come back.  It highlights the places where journalists are seemingly most at risk such as war-torn countries, and where there is strife and discord too. For example, according to this article there have been four journalists killed in each of the US and Mexico while only one in Saudi Arabia.  Makes you scratch your chin a little.

In telling the stories of those newsmen and women, it skirts around the bigger issue of who owns truth in our society.  Truth in this case being objective, clear facts versus opinions and hypothesis.  There is clearly a struggle going on in may countries about 'fake news', the kind of things that mean silly conspiracies rolled out to gullible Facebook groups, but also the increasingly large amount of
spin pushed out by politicians to flatter their own narratives - and called spin in outright manners in papers, radio, TV and social media.  Anyone that disagrees with "my version" of the truth, is doing fake news therefore, and if I have a microphone in my face, I'll scream that from the towers I control.  That is troubling obviously, and so far I don't think I've said anything new or particularly enlightening.

On the face of it, journalists would prefer to think that they own the truth, and it's their role in the fifth estate to shine a light into the dark corners of the political or business establishment.  That is the legacy model from the 1950's-1980's with the Walter Conkite's and Bob Woodward's of the world leading the charge.  But these days, there is little to distinguish a Lou Dobbs on FoxTV in the US from a pulitzer prize winning print journalist from the New York Times, The Times in the UK or China Daily - all are journalists, objectively.  What separates them is the imposition of their biases, opinions and subject matter and perspective selections in the issues they cover.  Now, at times it's obvious as in the case of the US's Fox Network, but it's just as obvious for the Guardian in England or the aforementioned China Daily.  What doesn't tend to happen is the admission of these biases clearly.  So my review of the 'News' as I hope to get the truth is impacted significantly and imperceptibly and I am exposed to a manipulated media message that wants me to stay tuned for commercial or political reasons.  So where's the truth?

Some news organizations such as BBC or Canada's CBC would have you think that they are apolitical, but minimally they reflect their societies norms and opinions as wealthy (white predominately) people from the Western world using their own moral compass to view the balance of the planet.   My point here is that there is not a news organization that is truly objective out there, and hence, they can't own the truth as everyone tries to spin it to speak to their own audiences, and keep attracting them.

So where does that leave us, those that want to know an objective, clear set of facts so we can develop informed opinions and act ?  I think it leaves us on our own, with a monumental task of sifting through a deluge of daily dross to figure things out.  The scope of that task is huge, and so it's little wonder my neighbour, friends and possibly my own family have elected to just get carried away on someone else's commentary that seems to roughly align to their own opinions.  The truth is out there, it's just becoming really, really difficult to see and hear, and many have given up that struggle.

Who owns the truth ?  I do, you do, we each do.

Picking Sides

Years back, I learned a valuable lesson - that when it comes to deep emotional trauma,  close friends expect you to pick a side - yours or those they oppose.   I say "expect", when it's probably actually closer to "require".  You can try to be adult, objective and still supportive, but that won't cut it in their eyes, rather they have a deeply-scarred need for support, and you have to be clearly on their team.  Not doing that  - trying to remain helpfully supportive but not jumping into their well of black and white "me vs them" thinking causes your friends to question your allegiance.

This seemed at the time counter-intuitive and confused me. And over time it caused the friendship to suffer a mortal blow.  So regardless of whether I understand it or not, I see what happened and I'll admit I've never gone through the depth of their trauma, so give them the benefit of the doubt here.  It's hard for any of us to rationalize something that we've never experienced.

I was thinking of this situation today and comparing it to the divide that's growing ever more apparent in the US.   People that have decided to make their opinions heard - in the news, social media and elsewhere are heated and extremely passionate.  You have be "with them", or you're "against them" it seems.  Perhaps more than any other impact, the move away from centrist positions towards idealogical extremes and polarized positions has caused the end of civil dialogue.  It's hard to have an open mind when you're being shouted down.

Which brings me back to my friend.  He suffered a deep emotional trauma that caused him to (temporarily) react in the way that he did.  Perhaps, that's what we're seeing here too. A society that as a whole are all going through a deep trauma, and the nature and depth of this change is causing them to behave differently than in the past.  Time to heal is needed it seems, but that requires that first everyone stops actively trying to hurt one another.  I'm not sure that seems likely in the short term.