75

Is special.  Its an achievement, a milestone.

Celebrate it, embrace it and bask in the glow of the experience.

It's not old, it's classic.

I Died Today

I played an interesting game in my own head as I drive around today. I wondered a little about if I died and asked the inevitable 'what happens next?' questions.  Now, I'm not prone to the metaphysical, so I'll side-step that.  However I am one to look ahead, and try to use 20/20 hindsight to make proactive choices. So here goes, Q&A with a dead guy.

Q: What happens immediately afterwards?
A:  After a little shock, and spreading the news (we do this quietly, but urgently, don't we?) I suppose there's a funeral.  At least that's what happens when other people that I know of have died. At the funeral, family and some friends gather and go through a ceremony none of us would actually want, but seems prescribed by society.  Hopefully there's some sadness (vs say, rejoicing) at my passing, but I'm not holding my breath ('cause I'd be dead).

Q: How are you remembered ?
A: Ah, the big question. This is the heart of the matter. I'd hope I was remembered fondly by my family and friends.  At work, I'm not sure the news would generate much more than surprise..."He was so young and seemed healthy".. and a little remorse .."Darn, who is gonna take on his workload?" .  In the community I live in, I'd imagine..."Who died, where did he live ?"  Acquaintances would compare my own passing to their lives, and have a brief moment of introspection about the shortness of life. Strangers may warn against the dangers of juggling flaming chainsaws while texting, or however I will have died.  It'll all pass though, in days, weeks and years their lives all go on.  I won't be forgotten as such, but I won't be present, and that carries it's own penalties.

Q: Is that enough ?
A:  Here, I will verge into deeper thought for a few moments, and wonder aloud in my head if that result is enough, if it validates the life I've spent.  I'm done sharing at this point, but not talking, for the purpose of the exercise was to come to this exact thought, by myself, for myself.   The value of course in doing this proactively is that I have a chance to change my answers still, by some small measure.

It's an interesting day, the one where you walk through your own mortality and look back.  It's never too late, until it is.

I'm back

I've been away from you for a while now. I was empty of ideas and enthusiasm.

Like an echo I've returned, having learned a little more about myself.  I've written previously about the power of music in my life. The almost barometric effect it has as a mechanism to feel positive.  I’d add to that rather short list of ‘me’, and place on it the ability to think on my feet well.  When I am pushed to do that, I invariably enjoy it.  Demand performances can seem daunting, but I’m unusually revived from the effort and it feels like exercising a long relaxed muscle. I’m guess I'm stronger than I think.

On top of that, there’s been good news in multiple directions – my family have each seen their own brilliances acknowledged, which drives a tremendously proud response. I've been patted on the back at work, and seen happy engaged clients that want more help. Then, as icing, my reward will arrive a little sooner than hoped. Karma indeed.

So, I’m back.  I hope you are too.

Jobs

No, not of the "Steve" variety.

Job have lately dominated my world, and specifically, it's the pursuit of new ones.  Three of the four of us in my little tribe are after new jobs, full time, part time, new challenges and so on.  It makes for interesting conversations and very focussed actions.  It reminds me that searching or applying for a new role is usually the opposite of 'same old, same old' - those ruts we can find ourselves in when nothing new is on the horizon and what we do doesn't challenge us.  That boredom is certainly not present when looking for a new job.

So if you ever need to feel a little excited and unbalanced about what's coming up - I suggest a new job search.  It'll wake you up. Guaranteed.

Malice

Perhaps I'm a softie, or perhaps I've just seen evidence of malice.  I think it's the latter, and specifically, I mean God's malice.

Let me back up and offer a little story, a sad one I'm afraid.  I live in an area that might be described as suburbia, and one of the highlights are the nearby green spaces.  There's lots of critters in that nearby space, and I have the good fortune of getting occasional visits.  Mice, rabbits, chipmunks, squirrels and various other species including many birds, great and small.  My favourite however is a member of the weasel family, and I've always thought of him/her as a little mink.

This little thing is frisky, and somewhat playful and survives year-around in an area near a meandering stream on an adjacent golf course.  In winter, you can see the loping belly tracks in the snow. Occasionally you'd see it bound across a wide space in it's familiar and ungainly run.  It was not an everyday sighting, but one which spoke to the small circle of life as this cute little predator wandered the nooks and crannies of the local environment. It always brought a smile to my face.

I saw him again recently, the snow had just receded, and the rivers were high after a challenging winter. He was flat on the roadway adjacent to the golf course, the victim of some motorist who perhaps didn't see him, or didn't swerve.

It saddened me tremendously and in the month or so since it happened, I've thought about this little creature a lot.  I get the whole circle of life thing, and would have been ok if a hawk or coyote had it's way with him.  But it was a hard, cold winter and I can't help but think it would have been tough for the little fellow.  Just when life starts to emerge from its frost covered sleep and the mink's life would starts to get a little easier, he gets taken out by a car - and cars aren't part of the environmental cycle.

Someone or something with a plan decided to play a cruel joke on this little thing, and it strikes me as a step or two beyond cruel.  It is malice and bullying and for the life of me I can't imagine the rationale or see the 'why'.  However I do recognize that I don't like whatever put this plan into motion, whether that's fate, karma or God.  Whatever it was - I wish they'd pick on someone their own size.

When Sweet becomes Sour

I was presented with a potential piece of work recently.  That's a nice thing when it happens.  At a minimum, it reinforces that you're still needed.  However this was disingenuously offered.

What was initially characterized as a very short term piece of work, had a large amount of background development and foundational work needed. Despite reassurances it was only small when I began to look into the job it wasn't small, it was big.  All this after initially indicating my own agreeableness to the idea.  The catch here is that the time available to prep was small, and the return for that work was also small.

So, I went back and said no thanks, citing the truth that I didn't have a week to put into the preparation. So all is fine.  Except it's not really.  I feel like I was taken advantage of, and taken for a fool.  The experience left me with a very bad taste in my mouth for that organization.  I don't think that was the intent, but in some situations the reality of how something is handled is more important that what it is.

Your Favourite Song

Have one ?  Does it change often, are you up with the latest trends in the genres you enjoy, or is it an old favourite from your childhood or some other significant time in your life .

What does the music evoke for you? Is it memories you cherish, or does it make your toes tap and fingers move.  Perhaps both ? Lucky you.

Mine makes me want to run faster, play air drums and sing.  In fact, for me, music and my favourite songs are a barometer of my soul.  I listen more when I'm in a better frame of mind, and singing - out loud and proud - is a sign of real mental health I've learned about myself.  In fact one of the reasons I think I enjoy summer more than winter is that I don't have a winter outlet to sing.  I sing the most while riding my bike, and that (usually) takes place when it's warmer.  It's my cocoon flying along at 30kph and I can pretend no one can hear me.  The big impediment is bugs - draw your own picture.

My favourite song at the moment is one that completely exceeded expectations when I first heard it. I was with someone special and I heard it live and loved it right away.  Every time I hear it now my thoughts go back to that sunny day, the keyboard players bright hair and how it just 'worked' for me from the very first time.  I'm good at sharing - so here it is - enjoy it, and think of me when you listen to it.  The band is still getting established by the way,  so buy a copy if you like it.