Picking Sides

Years back, I learned a valuable lesson - that when it comes to deep emotional trauma,  close friends expect you to pick a side - yours or those they oppose.   I say "expect", when it's probably actually closer to "require".  You can try to be adult, objective and still supportive, but that won't cut it in their eyes, rather they have a deeply-scarred need for support, and you have to be clearly on their team.  Not doing that  - trying to remain helpfully supportive but not jumping into their well of black and white "me vs them" thinking causes your friends to question your allegiance.

This seemed at the time counter-intuitive and confused me. And over time it caused the friendship to suffer a mortal blow.  So regardless of whether I understand it or not, I see what happened and I'll admit I've never gone through the depth of their trauma, so give them the benefit of the doubt here.  It's hard for any of us to rationalize something that we've never experienced.

I was thinking of this situation today and comparing it to the divide that's growing ever more apparent in the US.   People that have decided to make their opinions heard - in the news, social media and elsewhere are heated and extremely passionate.  You have be "with them", or you're "against them" it seems.  Perhaps more than any other impact, the move away from centrist positions towards idealogical extremes and polarized positions has caused the end of civil dialogue.  It's hard to have an open mind when you're being shouted down.

Which brings me back to my friend.  He suffered a deep emotional trauma that caused him to (temporarily) react in the way that he did.  Perhaps, that's what we're seeing here too. A society that as a whole are all going through a deep trauma, and the nature and depth of this change is causing them to behave differently than in the past.  Time to heal is needed it seems, but that requires that first everyone stops actively trying to hurt one another.  I'm not sure that seems likely in the short term.

Change

Something that happens this frequently, shouldn't be allowed to constantly catch us (me?) off guard.

Here's some background before I pontificate a tad and please forgive me  - it's been a while since I've captured my thoughts here and I have a few things to say.  First off, I should know about change - I've historically viewed myself as a bit of a visionary as it relates to this.  That label describes someone that embraces change in its' varied forms, but isn't the first to embrace a new thing or idea (or line up for a new toy). Early on these visionaries see the advantage of a change and jump in then.  The visual here originally from Geoffrey A Moore (and adopted from a technology life cycle idea) uses a few labels including visionary to describe one's comfort level with change to give some context.  For what it's worth, these labels are neither good or bad, and a high level of comfort with change isn't better or worse than a low level.  It's similar to one's appreciation of cabbage.  Some like it, some don't.  Those that seek out change don't always see eye to eye with those that don't, but that's true of so much in our society, that it's not noteworthy in this sense.

But let's get back to the story at hand.  I made some changes in my own life recently, and while approaching these with eyes wide open, the changes still caught me off guard and I had a moderate level of discomfort with them.  Not the decisions and directions themselves, but rather the act of the changes themselves - what I do, where I live and so forth.

The take away from this for me is that there are some things going on - perhaps my own adaptability to change is changing - why couldn't it after-all.  It may also be that while I intellectually went forward, I wasn't able to emotionally track to that - you know what I mean  - the kind of agreement that we make with ourselves that is half-hearted.  I'm not exactly sure in my case, except that I was surprised by my own reaction, and I felt that was worth sharing.  I'm becoming accustomed to the new situations - time mellows most discomforts - and am anxious not to forget this little life lesson.  But I may as that in the end is very nature of change.

The Value of Not Knowing

I'm taking a small vacation from my normal work, and it's been humbling.  I'm working with my hands (with guidance thankfully) and am experiencing a daily dose of "this is how you do it..". 

Being humbled is a good thing I've decided, as it resets some of the ego we let quietly build up over time until we acknowledge ourselves as an expert in an area and no longer listen to others opinions and thoughts.  It's easy to poke holes and argue against what others say only, as we know better. (for reference, see: Internet).  It's a different mindset however when the approach we take to any situation is one of learning - of any kind really. 

In my normal job, I often quote Seth Goden's little gem - "Learning cannot be forced, it must be chosen" to help other's see what they are in for.  It's ironic that I had to back into that one myself to see its truth clearly.

Polar Bear Express

When I was young, we did car trips.  My mother would take my sister and I somewhere for a few days.  I recall the very large station wagon had with wood paneling in the side.  It was large enough to accommodate the single bed mattress from my bed - which is where I laid down for much of the road. No fights over the front seat for me, I wanted my own berth.  I recall reading books - Peter Benchley’s Jaws sticks out, perhaps for the shark, or the sex scene, it was an adult book and my first.  I recall lounging mostly, relaxed as Canada rolled by my windows.  We went to Quebec, the US and Nova Scotia.  But the one I recall most fondly was Moosonee.  

To say we drove to Moosonee would be inaccurate as there were no roads to it then and indeed there may be no roads to it now.  We went to Cochrane and then took the train. It was Ontario Northland’s “Polar Bear Express”.   What a lovely evocative piece of marketing that is.  I can’t say I ever saw a polar bear on the 4-5 hour one way train journey that goes due north, but it did roll through the Canadain Shield wilderness and anchored itself into my heart. We went to the southern tip of the Arctic, James Bay.  That one trip had me glued to my window seat - after I’d explored the train of course.  

Something still resonates about hundreds and hundreds of miles/kilometers (does it matter at this scale?) of lakes, trees, and this vast untouched area of nature.  Now, when my life allows me to fly, I still marvel at the size, the scope of the place.  It stretches and stretches to the horizon and focuses down to each individual fallen log, infested with bugs, moss and fungus, teeming with life.  Hundreds, thousands and probably millions of them. 

In hindsight, I saw all this when I was 9 years old, from the train.  I still recall each bend in the train tracks, peering around each approaching corner for what lay ahead.   I do remember Moosonee itself a little too - a strong and unwelcome taste of what it’s like to like on that frontier with the few hundred inhabitants that must see the daily train as the needed tourist revenues and only escape route.  

I don’t recall the drive back.  My heart stayed that day on the Polar Bear Express and the uncharted territory of northern Canada.  I knew then I wanted the wilderness to play a role in my life. I wanted to be be there, lost as Marlow was, exploring my own path and finding my own way out.  

What Will it Take?

In the late 1930's the direction of the government in Germany was becoming clear with certain groups in society persecuted more and more.  It was certainly support by some, but also distasteful to many. Yet few spoke up for fear of reprisals and retribution from those in power.  It doubtless haunted many otherwise fine people that they didn't say anything, defend their neighbour or do something of consequence against a growing sense of wrong that they saw in their society.  We know what happened next, and its too bad that the story of the war overshadows the history of how they got there too often.  We are not focussed as we should be on the important part  - where we don't want history to repeat itself.

These days we are faced with a small subset of those that claim to represent us all, and many in society disagree strongly with the statements, laws being enacted, and general stance on what is acceptable.  While we are seeing moves in society such as #Metoo that seem to address criminal, disgusting behaviours, it also seems to bounce off of those that need to be dealt with most.   This has become a situation where the normal rules of our culture don't seem to apply and despite the protestations of frustration, anger and denial appearing in social and popular media, nothing is really being done.

We're seeing the ugliest side of us all, claiming to be representative and that perhaps more than anything else, is the most trying aspect of what is going on in our world.  Maybe there is a grain of truth and maybe, just maybe we are all quietly a little racist, a little bigoted,  or selfish, and self-involved greedy bastards - to a very small degree. And having the qualities elected and on the main stage allows us the smugness and chance to disavow the person, but otherwise do nothing of consequence as a small part of us secretly shares those values. Otherwise really - what's the excuse for inaction from the other elected officials, and the pawns that are part of the governance in society (police, judges, local governments, bureaucrats) changing the rules how we look upon one another.  And the inaction from people who aren't marching, who aren't boycotting, and who benefit because 'well, the economy is doing rather nicely these days'.

The question that keep rolling in my mind as the situation keeps going is - what will it take for someone to act and create risk for themselves for the greater good.  Will we all just be 'good quiet Germans' as we're lead down this path? 

What will it take for you to act?  Because where we are today isn't an end state, it's transitionary to a revised culture where the values we see espoused by those in power, become the values of the country. 

My Year in Running

I have a warm spot for year-end lists.

You get to reminisce, fondly recall, and compare.  So I plan on doing a few, because what's a new year, without an accounting of the past one?

First off, I like Mizuno Wave Runners and track my running by my shoes.  2017 the calendar year saw three different pairs.  An old pair going into the year, a newish pair and then later in the year a replacement for the (tossed) old ones.  I regularly work with 2 sets of shoes, and tend to save the newer ones for races.  I'm working one set right now, a grey set of WR20's and am in the market for the next ones.

In 2017, I ran a 30days challenge; 714Kms so far; a Half Marathon race and the same distance a few other times, and I was fortunate to have run in: Dubai, Barcelona, Cairo, Toronto, Naples, Cozumel, Denver, Los Angeles, Ottawa, Madrid & Toledo, Boston (lots), Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, Amsterdam, Utrecht, Austin, Madrid (again), Melbourne, Sydney, Dublin and with any luck Hong Kong and London.

I didn't run every day, nor am I dedicated enough to pursue another marathon.  I run to ward-off jet lag, and to feel human again.  It's hard for me, as I'm not in the best shape - but I do ok and more importantly for me - I keep doing it as to do it when you don't want to reflects a strength of willpower and character that I like about myself.

I run for fun, I run for fitness, and I run to see places that otherwise are invisible through the window of a car.  I run because I can.  One day I won't be able to, I know that, and I won't have regrets about things not done in 2017.

Is there always Fire where there's Smoke ?

I'll confess that this has been on mind a little lately, and yet I've only just decided to write it up.  It's a very sensitive subject and involves the "Me too" movement and the numerous victims that have begun ever more frequently it seems, to speak up about being preyed upon by sexually predatory behaviour.  

These acts been almost universally perpetrated by men, and there is lots and lots in the news and  popular opinion outlets about this, from the way business people and famous types have been removed from their functions, to the way that politicians seem to be able to apologize (or not) and escape unscathed (Roy Moore, Donald Trump, Al Franken).  But I'd like to raise a few underlying assumptions being made that I think don't hold up, and more pointedly are being ignored because a greater purpose is being served.

The first and obvious element of the situation is that elsewhere in society we hold a tenant to be true that says innocent until proven guilty.  Now - I'm not suggesting that this invalidates the veracity of the claims made, but I think we should acknowledge that these are claims made, not convictions.  All too easily in these times of pervasive media are witch hunts borne from simply repeating the same accusations until they are accepted as fact.  It is worth overtly admitting that half the story here is the lack of convictions that took place when claims were made in the past, and the victims' characters were attacked and discredited instead. Fair process never took place, (and doesn't still) and so it's only through populist outrage that the Harvey Weinsteins of the world have been karmically dealt with. But that result doesn't justify abandoning the principle of innocence first.  That isn't being said loudly, and it needs to be.

The second assumption I've heard a few times is "Why would the victim lie about this?" and while I'll admit to hearing that from the advantageous position of being a white male, I can't help but imagine a whole bunch of possible reasons why someone would lie to discredit and or hurt another.  I'm sure you can imagine these too.  Of course that doesn't mean everyone making an accusation is lying, but this ties directly back to the idea above.  We are too often dealing with a 1:1 situation where its he said/she said, and the truth isn't clear.  Corroboration by another victim or observer seems to swing opinion into predator guilt, but that isn't fool-proof.  

A different requirement for accusation and defence ought to be in place here, one that reflects the extremely personal nature of the predatory behaviours and takes into account societal norms (This is just how things were back then) much the same way drinking and driving rules and opinions have evolved over time. Half the issue we face on this today is that there isn't a defined line of behaviour, that if crossed constitutes sexual predation, or predation of other types. We are leaving this up to individual subjective judgements and that's confusing, as my standards vary from yours and so on.

It goes without saying that many people in power, abuse power and those less powerful around them.  Men as predators isn't new, and the current round of house-cleaning won't end this type of aggressive, abusive, and repulsive way of interacting.  If the current spotlight results in clarity on what is acceptable, all the better; but if it only remains a populist knee-jerk reaction against the worst (famous) offenders, than it will be an opportunity lost to move us all forward.