The Long View

As the Rolling Stones put it (to music) - we can't always get what we want. Being neither as musical or lip-endowed as the Stones, I wanted to try to tackle the questions of what to do with disappointing news in this context instead.

The temptation as taught through many old movies growing up was to find a bar and bury your heart in the bottom of a bottle. Fair enough, though the picture painted was rarely as ugly as that is in real life. Drunks are neither pretty or entertaining unless said drunk happens to be you. The result afterward? (without the intervention of the Hollywood fairy) the same problem, and a hangover.

Ruling that out then, when you find you didn't get that job, promotion, date or other significantly hoped-for result, what's a good response ? I decided a few years ago with some guidance from some folks whom I respect, that I wanted to try to emulate what I would say to one of my kids in the same situation.

We all acknowledge that we learn more from our failures than we do from our successes, so the first reaction I try to make is to assess what can be learned when the situation doesn't end in the desired outcome. (Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me). The most pressing thing to determine is to how to avoid the exact same outcome - in other words what needs to change if the situation were to present itself again. Not all situations require this to be determined quickly, but some are.

The next step and very important perspective to embrace is the long view. The long view is the big picture perspective beyond this immediate interaction. If you are trying to get a date with someone you like and they say "no", take the long view and keep up the efforts to make a positive personal connection. That's the long view. When you don't get that promotion, work extra smartly and hard and ensure your efforts are noted - that's the long view. Any situation really can get a long view - it's a determination to keep trying to achieve your desired outcome without quitting. It speaks to perseverance, determination and a willingness to go that extra mile. All good stuff.

The long view is the key to me - it turns negative outcomes into bumps in the road. It helps us see past our need for immediate gratification that we're trained to expect and instead understand that sometimes things are worth working hard to get.