Head Games

I've got a race coming up this weekend, my 3rd half marathon in the past six months.  And it's gotten into my head.

I've run the distance many times, and I've been in more than few races, the latest a 10k this past weekend. I even got a personal best at that one.  But there's something about the word 'marathon' that starts eating at me days in advance...those niggling, wiggly little negative thoughts that say "you can't do it."   I think these worries are largely unfounded.  This one coming up is primarily downhill,  its the perfect running weather for me, and while I'm referring to it as a race, the only race going on really is between my legs and my expectations. I can go as slow as I want.

Still though.

There's something about the large group of uber-fit looking people, all ropey-muscled and lithe standing together, adjusting tight clothing, aerodynamic sunglasses and various bits of technology that makes you think we were all on a moon mission rather than a couple hours jog this Sunday morning.  The adrenaline starts pumping and you go out of the gate at a faster clip than intended. And at about 3-4k's, I bonk.  Bonking is a word I've appropriated here to mean hitting a mental wall.  It's using up your easy energy and having to reach down deep.  Bonking at 15-18k's is fine, as you power through those last few steps (I think I can, I think I can..), but when it happens so close to the start, within 15-20 minutes of the beginning it seems an unsurmountable mountain to finish the course.

Running isn't hard, and it takes place between your ears as much as between your feet as so many challenges seem to.  But the mental prep is critical, and when it starts turning south (I haven't trained enough; I needed to lose that extra 10lbs to make it easy) the race anticipation goes into a nightmare. There's a school of running thought that says - just run your own race and enjoy the day, do your best, it's all you can ask.  That's fine, and intellectually I might even agree with that.  But I grew up
listening and internalizing a philosophy embodied by a little green guy that went - Do or do not, there is no try.

So the race has already begun for me, I'm running while doing other tasks this week, and while I sleep. When I get to the finish line on Sunday, it will have been a long race, and a well earned mental and physical rest.