Are You Happy? - It's the Wrong Question

Are you happy?  You've had this question, so have I.  We ask it of each other innocuously, however it has some real implications. You may have struggled to answer it - I certainly have.  I’d put forth that while we’re each genuinely interested in the answer when we ask it, it’s actually the wrong question most of the time.

Let me illustrate this by offering a few variations:

Are you lonely?
Are you afraid?
Are you fulfilled?
Are you hungry?

These are also states we could find ourselves in, and they can change.  I may be hungry right now, but won’t be later after I’ve eaten.  Likewise when something wonderful happens that seems to validate some work or efforts we’re involved in as a professional, parent, or volunteer it does offer the lovely glowing feeling of fulfilment.  But chances are when stuck in traffic later that day or week, that same glow is diminished.  I can be afraid of something, but it probably wouldn’t define me.  I can be thrilled with something, but that excitement fades too.

For reasons I think I may understand however, we want to treat the sometimes fleeting emotion of happiness as a state of being, as if we walk around with a big grin constantly.  That’s because when we ask one another if we’re happy, it’s not intended to be about the precise moment it happens, but rather it’s a general query, that is intended to be more precisely interpreted as “Are you not unhappy?”.

The avoidance of unhappiness I’d argue though doesn’t result in happiness.  Just as some numbers such as 2,3,6, and 478 are all positive while -2,-4 and -17 are all negative numbers, 0 is neutral, and is neither positive or negative, it just is.  (Feeling neutral isn’t positive however and wouldn’t be considered a positive answer if asked about on a 'Are you happy' scale.)  Here, context matters I’d think.  If my dog just passed away, feeling neutral is a pretty good result.  On a daily basis if you’re doing something that you don’t enjoy, neutral is fine.  Happiness is too large a hurdle to aim for.

That’s the crux of the problem.  Asking about happiness, or setting the expectation for happiness when being neutral is a fine result at times, sets the bar too high.  Add to that that we ask about this incorrectly 99% of the time, and all of a sudden happiness, that elusive social goal seems unattainable.  And that makes many people unhappy.

So going forward, I’ll try not to ask that tired old question when the moment arises, setting up anyone that answers for an often-sad moment of self-reflection.  Instead I’ll ask if they have successfully avoided unhappiness lately.  For even if the answer they offer is ‘sometimes’, that in itself is worth celebrating and smiling about.

Life, Happiness and Everything

I think I've figured it out.

For me.  You have to figure it out for you.

This is a question I've struggled with for a very long time.  Five decades plus. You see, like you perhaps I thought there might be a universal answer.  A key piece of knowledge I wasn't aware of, that upon learning would turn on this glow of wisdom and contentment.  I was wrong of course, in a manner anyway.

I was told, like you have been perhaps, by many people that the answer was this or that, taking this attitude or perspective, or pills, or drink.  I think that I've figured out that  the pursuit of the knowledge of life, happiness and everything isn't actually something that we can pass along to one another.  It's more like religion in the sense that some annoying person is always trying to shove their beliefs down your throat as some absolute and obvious truth.  To the recipient of that message who is without that same sense of conviction, faith or guile, those attempts seems putrid and self righteous.  They are rejected in the same manner we reject ideas from the supporters of the 'other' political party.

So, it's something we all have to determine for ourselves.  The destination - the understanding of the answer is meaningless unless you've made the journey to find it.  That in itself is beyond the cliche and verging into the profound. I'd argue that anyway as it took me so long to find it.

I don't plan on telling you what it is by the way, as its the answer to life, happiness and everything - for me. You have to figure it out for you.

Good luck in your journey and Godspeed as they say.

The Root Issues with the United Airlines Re-Accomodation

There has been so much written and recorded about United's issues this past week that it's become tiresome already.  As I want this post to stand the test of time, here's a recap though as we won't recall it in 3-9 months.

 Flight 3411 was due to depart from United hub at Chicago O'Hare to Louisville, Kentucky on Tuesday April 9th.  The flight was operated by United Express (Republic Airlines) an EMB-170 that accommodates 71 passengers and was booked full - but not oversold..  At some point in the boarding process, or immediately after, it was made known to the United ground staff - their gate agents - that the company needed 4 seats on the aircraft to position a set of flight attendants to Louisville to operate a another flight.  So they asked for volunteers and offered them the standard $400 rates and a hotel stay to take a  flight the next day.  No takers.  The flight finished boarding and was full, and then they repeated the denied boarding volunteer offers on-board, doubling the offer to $800 and the accommodation details that go with it.  A couple took that offer, freeing up 2 seats, or United had indicated that this couple would be involuntarily denied boarding, and they took the offer. That part isn't clear.  Regardless 2 people left the aircraft.  United then indicated that Dr. Dao was next on the list selected and he'd be denied boarding too.  He refused, United escalated the situation to the aviation security force that acts as police at O'Hare and they dragged him off the plane in the now infamous videos, injuring him and causing no end of harsh critique's of their handling of the situation from anyone with an opinion worldwide.  

United subsequently handled this exceptionally poorly, initially blaming the passenger, lauding their staff, finally acknowledging that this was a horror story for those involved and apologizing to the Doctor in question from a humbled CEO. They've lost hundreds of millions in market capitalization, endured many boycott calls and the airport aviation officers in question have all been placed on leave pending disciplinary hearings.

There are so many badly handled elements of this that it's hard to know where to begin.

1. United should take PR lessons
2. United ground staff ought to have had the common sense to avoid this outcome
3. United ground staff should not have boarded people to then have to un-board them
4. United shouldn't be allowed to use police to enforce a business practice
5. Dr. Dao should and will sue the pants-off of United and he'll win
6. United's CEO should resign - not because it happened, but because of the way he handled this, which prolonged and inflamed the outrage.
7. The aviation security force at O'Hare itself is under review now, as those officers are are not Police, and receive far less training than Police do.

I want to focus on one aspect however that is out of control and this incident illuminates it well.  It's the use of and acceptance of a police or security presence at airports to deal with 'security issues'.  In the post 9-11 age, with new threats emerging on a weekly basis, what constitutes a security threat..?Almost anything the airline wants to call a security threat it seems.  We've become so accustomed to this, so accepting of the hassles and personal affronts that airports represent these days that we don't question anything any longer.

Let me offer this - I've been denied boarding off of confirmed flights, and when younger I worked in an international airport and performed denied boarding.  The process and approach is 'accepted' and it goes hand in hand with over-selling flights.  So that's not the issue to me.  But if I go into a McDonalds and order a burger, and a few other people also order burgers at the same which exceeds the supply of burgers, McDonald's has no right to ask the Police to intercede and remove the burger I bought and paid for from them.  It's ludicrous.  But that's the situation that we face in an airport, and on an airplane these days.

A little while ago I was flying home from Europe from a business trip and wanted to use the forward lavatory.  It was busy and the crew mingling in the galley area next to it didn't seem to mind someone standing there.  So I waited as one does, and a flight attendant told me to return to my seat.  I politely let her know that I was waiting for the lav, and would just wait here a moment or two.  She looked me dead in the eye and asked if I was threatening the security of the flight.   What was an innocent enough situation that anyone who flies has been in before, turned very quickly into a super tense discussion.  What struck me from that encounter - I did go and sit down - was that in using that magic little security stick was the argument that couldn't be argued with.  I wasn't impressed and later made a comment back to the airplane about her pettiness, but in the moment, all of us are defenceless as Dr. Dao was when the cloud of security overshadows air travel.

The rebuttal to this is of course - would I still fly without these measure designed to protect me ?  You bet I would.

I am not a fan of being mothered and controlled because it's in my best interest.  I'd far prefer less security and more common sense, and am willing to forego any greater good of knowing we're being looked after.  It doesn't work on the roads (are you the worst driver you've seen? - no one is) and yet we all have licenses, and it has reached epically silly proportions at the airport.  This isn't the law enforcement agencies issue alone as they don't write the laws, though they are clearly part of the problem.  Why isn't every single car exceeding a speed limit pulled over - because they use judgement.  And judgement combined with common sense is what's missing from air travel.

What I Learned During a 30day Running Challenge

A month ago, I undertook a personal task - to run every day (at least 5km) for a month.  Rain or shine, regardless of how I was feeling.  In that month, I travelled for fun and went out in rain, sleet and snow, I ran in -20 degree days and oppressive heat, putting a little over 218kms/130+ miles onto my shoes. My distance varied daily on purpose, and I tried not to run my daily minimum 5kms on consecutive days, and likewise wouldn't run my maximum  - which was about 14kms -  back to back.

First off - I did it.  :)

It's worth noting that I'm a casual runner anyway, this wasn't my first foray into what I was doing. I've
done a couple marathon's and about a dozen half -  marathons and am signed up for the next one of those in May this year.  Any given run can be wonderful, painful, an emotional blackhole, or as I heard someone say yesterday - make you feel like you're a bag of milk - or it can make you dance.  I think over the past month I've had at least one of each of those and a few of some.  Running is like a box of chocolates, as Mr Gump might say, you never know what you're going to get.  Just run, Forest, just run.

The running itself became easier, as I guess the strength in my legs increased.  That was a pleasant surprise.  There's more than a few days that I don't recall the running part of the run, which given the task at hand is a little surprising. While I tried a second workout on about a quarter of the days, it always came back to me on the next day's run as a really strong feeling of fatigue. Overall however the running part of the running challenge got better.

The route choices were tiresome, as I grew bored with the places I'd run repeatedly.  I became an avid user of MayMyRun to find that 6, 8 or 12 km path that was a little new.  Wind and therefore direction was a concern as I mentioned that at least two weeks of this was quite cold, varying between -5 and -20 with strong winds. Routing choices to avoid large open areas where I'd have to run into the wind factored largely into the daily decision.  Snow too affected where I went, as we have some lovely trails near me, however snow covered, or (worse) water saturated mud isn't really nice to run through.

Injury was ever-present in my mind - I wasn't running to outpace Usain Bolt or anything, but I did track my pace daily and wanted to see some improvement.  So I was careful, perhaps moreso than I normally am.  I'd stop and walk 20 paces if I felt anything amiss.

Technology was helpful as I track my distance, speed etc with two devices and my little old ipod nano with it's Nike app was key to the success of this.  It's screen is broken, and it congratulates me on another 500km accomplished after every single complete effort (which I secretly enjoy), but I can get lost in the podcast, or music and the last half-a-km audible warning is always welcome.

Importantly, I think I could keep going if I wanted.  My legs, and back are tired and need a day or two off but it's not a must-stop.  That's probably for me the biggest single reward in all of this - the knowledge that if I wanted to, I could continue this. Our own hidden reserves of capability are all too often invisible to us.

The most interesting thing I picked up was the surety that this activity is cathartic for me.  Yes, some mornings I couldn't get the sound of my own wheezy breath out of my conscious mind, but the best runs allowed me to deconstruct an issue or problem I needed to think through, my body on autopilot as I could focus into the moment and think clearly, or listen clearly, or even just be in the moment knowing I was lucky to be able to be doing what I was doing just then.  I had a few of those days in the past month, and that made this all worthwhile.

Dear Dave & Morley...

I've been fumbling, starting then stopping, and putting off the writing of this letter for a little while, as I'm not quite sure how to write it, or how to say what needs to be said. A letter is both a personal communication and an hierloom that can be revisited numerous times in one's life, kept in a drawer or cabinet and relived time and again.  It's also a story telling device that shares our authors thoughts and feelings, joy - and in my case anguish, over what news I feel I need to share.

Dear Dave & Morley I'd begin, and let the sentence trail-off in my head.  I'd heard Stuart start many stories this way, and always appreciated the depth of character he'd uncover in the telling.

He was good at that - good at using a covering imagery like the history of a town in Cape Breton, or the writing of a letter to a neighbour's son to curl around us, engaging our curiosity into the details that he vividly painted into our ears and embraced our imaginations with.  We were drawn in until we were so deeply sunk into his narrative that we missed a set-up  - until it was sitting on us, smiling down like a cheshire cat and Stuart's voice would deepen and lift at the same time, cueing us to notice the situation, or the character's reaction, or the absurdity of where we'd all gone.  Together. And he'd pause.

People remember that he made them laugh. Hilariously so, about turkey's, a drip from a lightbulb onto our forehead, or even Dave's hypochondria.  They recall the sweet little tears he brought out as he unearthed someone's empathy, kind spirit, or resilience -  illustrating it poignantly, helping us all recognize those same feelings in ourselves. Without doubt he touched many people. Stuart taught us about parenting, our own fears and anxieties, and life in our own communities through his invitation to the Cafe and the adventures of Dave, Steph, Sam and Morley.  The key was his voice, wistful and knowing. Richly rhythmic with stunning timing and the expert knowledge of how to say ..... nothing, drawing out our anticipation in knowing smiles and pre-laughter. Listen yourself to a few stories, and you'll see.  But I digress... Dear Dave and Morley, I have some news.

There are an estimated 400+ stories, about the universe that Stuart created and I can't say that I've heard them all.  There's a great big board the way I imagine it - with names, dates, places and relationships linked all together, probably with yarn.  Otherwise how could he have kept it all straight. As we listened it was those little details, Morley's love of figure skating, or characters from his hometown in Cape Breton when growing up with Annie, or the neighbours running the shops next to the Cafe, like Kenny Wong and his Scottish Meat Pies that made it all come to life.  There's a depth to these tales that binds them together and would have allowed for the next story, and the next one and the next. Only there won't be a next one. Dear Dave and Morley, I have some news. Some bad news...

As I sat and turned over on the ideas of what I needed to pass along, days drew long as I stumbled time and time again.  How do you tell someone that their world changed and they had no future  At the same time how do we share the tremendous gratitude that you deeply feel, that so many feel for the times spent together. It's an end, as surely and completely as an end ever was, but at the same time it's a time to acknowledge the hours spent together, and the moments we were assembled as one in laughter, sadness and life's precious lessons.

Dear Dave And Morley,  I re-started, I have some news. Some bad news.  But you're going to be fine, in fact we're all going to be fine as we still have one another.  It seems that...........

It is I'd hope, all that Stuart would have asked for.

______________________________

Stuart McLean was the host and creator of The Vinyl Cafe on CBC Radio.  On a weekly basis he created the worlds that Dave, Morley, Sam, Stephanie and countless others inhabited and allowed the rest of us to visit, observe and learn from. Luckily for us, Stuart was prolific.  Stuart passed away on Feb 15th, 2017.

The Vinyl Cafe can be visited still, and it's a worthwhile way to hear how well stories can be told. 

"I Inherited a Mess"

This is a verbatim quote from the President of the United States from last week.  At the time that I heard him say it, and since then too, I've been aghast at the implications of this innocuous statement by the (new) leader of the free world.

Let's start with the the full quotation as there's no fake news here:

"I inherited a mess, it's a mess at home and abroad. A mess. Jobs are pouring out of the country. See what's going on with all of the companies leaving. Going to Mexico and other places. Low minimum wages. Mass instability overseas no matter where you go. The Middle East, a disaster. North Korea. We'll take care of it folks. We'll take care of it all."

So he's begun his term blaming the previous guy.  That's actually playbook 'new president' and not objectionable as such as it's been done before over and over.

What galls me here is the idea that this is all a surprise.  It's too bad he hadn't campaigned on keeping America's jobs, or the 'threat' of Mexico, and mass instability in other parts of the world.  What's that ?...He did ? - well then why act if it's a surprise now ?  Because I'd argue he's starting to appreciate the complexity of his role.  That's a good thing in some ways, but a frightening one when you imagine he may not actually have understood the depth of the issues he was ranting about pre-election.  If we acknowledge that, then we just handed the keys to the country to an individual who seems to have lied on their driving test.

Let's the honest, being President isn't a job for everybody.  The stresses, tough calls and incredibly intricate negotiations to keep everything moving must be like dancing on a pinhead.  Politically, you can't screw up your Israeli question or your China policy for fear of what impact it has on trade policy and other foreign relationships.  Everything is linked, and it's not just complex, it's a political-economic ecosystem where only 'balance' works.  To think a domestic matter isn't effected by trade is to not understand the linkages between current account deficits and mortgage rates, amongst other things. Jobs in any country are driven from a myriad of factors including (but not limited to) technology, GDP, demand from your home market and the trade agreements in place with others and these sands are always shifting.  

Is it a mess ?  No it's not, but to an uneducated eye the nature of the layers and movement could make it appear so.  Provided he's surrounded himself with smart people, and he listens to them, he'll get through this learning curve.  He's got a positive economy, no ongoing international troop deployments of size and a degree of domestic security.  Looking at the last few presidential transitions, this is a gift. 

The Cradle We Share

Visiting one of the earliest civilizations and seeing it's technical brilliance, and incredible feats, while learning of the customs and language used back then is a tremendous treat. Catching glimpses of all too familiar human nature in their actions - etched into stone - makes it all come to life.

The areas around modern day Cairo are filled with royal graveyards, typified by the expensive monuments to ego in the life thereafter we refer to as pyramids today. Over a thousand years and almost 30 dynasties, Egyptian Pharaohs ruled what was their modern world.  They changed where the capital was, and built up many areas north and south on the Nile from where Cairo is today.  As impressive as the nice Giza pyramids are (three larger familiar ones, flanked by two sets of three smaller ones each for Queens), what really tells the story of Egypt is the detail inside. 

Depending upon the date of the dynasties, certain trends were in place.  In the all-too-familiar larger pyramids, the burial chambers have blank walls.  Indeed while they may have been packed with papyrus scrolls delineating instructions, these are long gone as the very prominence of the structures made them targets across the ages.  It’s the smaller, less impressive structures near Memphis and Saqqaa (also suburban Cairo) that were constructed more cheaply in later Dynasties that have the stories we have come to know.   Here the stories are told on the walls of the journey to the after-life, complete with supplies and intentions.  While these too were looted down the ages, the stories remained etched in stone for us to piece together a look at the culture and history of this country and it’s individual rulers.

To offer some perspective here, we need to understand that economics came into play then, just as it does today.  A burial chamber was an expensive proposition, and was constructed in one’s life with clear direction, rather than after death as some sort of testament to one’s greatness.  So the costs of regular servicing one’s afterlife had to be financed during one’s life. Decisions around how often post-death nourishment and adornment that should be dropped into a crypt by the priests were weighed carefully.  In tomb after tomb the stories on the walls are clearly laid out, and are quite similar. I imagine there was a standard budget and approach of sorts, just as we have burial standards that are largely the same. 

 In one tomb close to the pyramid of Djoser, a queen’s tomb was adjacent to her son’s nearby to where her husband the King was buried.  Her name was Inefrt. Unlike the typical sarcophagus (empty now of course) alone in a room, this chamber featured an alter, and a bench.  At first reflection, one might conclude she was a caring person, offering a place to rest.  Looking up from the bench however was a clearest set of

instructions (in hieroglyphics of course) you might imagine, of what should be brought, in what quantities, and on what date.  The alter was present to ensure the slaughter (lambs) took place within her prevue.  So, I might guess this was an early ‘type A’ queen, not leaving anything to chance, and not trusting her servants to get it right.  It was this revelation perhaps more than the engineering feats that made the most impression on me.  This were just people, royal or not, and as us, they were individuals.  To be able to gain a glimpse into the person 4500 years later is remarkable and the thousands of as yet undiscovered burial chambers will doubtless help us understand ourselves even more in the coming years.

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