Do What I Say, Not What I Do

Many of us are wonderful at making pronouncements using our experience and wisdom at highlighting to others what they might think or do.  It's a gift I think (Says someone who does this frequently, and even gets paid at times for it).  Of course if it's unsolicited or unpopular, then whoever is receiving it simply views the 'advice' as intrusive - but that's a different blog post for another day.  When an individual you know or know-of is respected in their field, then the idea that we'll listen to them is quite natural - we want to hear what they have to say, and learn something for ourselves.  If a person is perceived as generally wise (the highest compliment?), then we seek out their guidance on any and all matters.  As children we're trained to do this with our parents, until that magic day in our 20's when we have the dawning realization that our folks are actually pretty clever people and are worth listening to, and not just because we have to.  We buy self-help books, and in our moden world, 'follow' thought leaders in social media. We all do this.

There's generally an under-acknowledged double-edge to this behaviour however.  Just as we perceive much of what is communicated through body language in addition to what's actually said aloud, we watch those who offer sage words.  Do they 'walk-the-talk', and take their own advice..?  Or are they offering a double-standard to us in terms of what's said versus what they actually do.

This came home to roost twice in the last few weeks for me.  The most recent episode that I saw was the expression of some pretty strong emotional beliefs - changing the world kind of stuff, and then a clear reversal of those same stated beliefs in the desired follow-up actions.  There were other options in this situation - I'd put forth there are always other options.  I walked away from the event with a very watered-down opinion of what was said which I'm 100% certain wasn't the intent or objective.

The second situation was one where I let myself down.  I was asked for some advice and handed out what I believed to be the best course of action, the smartest thing to do.  I found myself in need of that very same advice not a day later, and I personally elected to do almost the opposite of what I'd advised another on. I was painfully aware of the hypocrisy I was involved in, and yet I did it anyway.  Shamefully, I'm hoping my actions weren't noted by the one I gave the advice to, as I don't wish to have the follow-up conversation.  But in my head I've already had it, and it's not pleasant.

When we hear others, or ourselves, preach a certain pathway as the optimal one to take we should be prepared to take it ourselves.  Otherwise we don't really believe in it I don't think.  And while we can say things we don't believe in - that's acting.  I'll humbly suggest we're not approached by others for our acting skills, and to offer that is really a little false to all involved.  So the next time you are seeking wisdom from another be sure to ask - "Is that what you'd do too?"  And then watch.